I found this blog meshed between papers and wanted to share it. I wrote last year, 2018 while on my travels. It is something that I had reflected on for some time, so I thought to share. If you are a woman, I would love to hear your experience with this.
As a woman, I have been criticized on certain paths I have chosen to take and the decisions I have made. I started a business, traveled the world and charted a path of my own…really a path unknown. As we know it is not easy being a woman. Being strong, confident, selfish (or showing self love ) and just being out of the ordinary is often frowned upon. If you are not being frowned upon, you are just simply not supported emotionally.
I have always been the type to ‘bend’ the rules or do things differently than the rest. Getting married and having children was not something I really thought or fantasized about when I was a young girl or teenager. Most of my memories and thoughts growing up included being self sufficient, building a career, successful, influencing and making a difference. I often spoke my mind, never ‘sugar coated’ things to please others. I think honesty is good even though sometimes it may hurt or may not be received well. Conversation is good – uncomfortable or not. Sometimes it just needs to be said and of course I have learned being tactful and having the appropriate tone makes a world of difference.
A woman who chooses to stay home with the kids and be a full time mom is perfectly okay and accepted in society. It is never really frowned upon. Why are those women who don’t want children or devote most of their time to a career frowned upon or judged? Or people automatically think something is wrong? Why are there norms that are one way only? I am not saying that I do not want children, but I have definitely considered both options. Funny thing is that often times it ends up being US women who judge each other, it sometimes seems to be a competition or a comparison.
Timing is another topic. Everyone has their opinion on WHEN you should have kids. Within your first year of marriage, by the age of 30, 2 years apart of your first child, blah blah blah. Why can’t a woman choose to have children when it works best for herself? How about later on in life, once her career has been focused on, post education options have been pursued, travels , etc. I am not suggesting that you can’t have children and do all above, but it becomes much more difficult and not as easy. It is almost that we all are on the same path and timeline – School, Work, Marriage, House, Children. Who says we can’t mix it up? I have always tried to build my own unique path that is out of the ordinary. This includes stepping out of my comfort zone and being bold. I do not try to do this intentionally or try to be different. It is authentic and it is who I am. It has led to many anxieties, self doubt and insecurities – especially when nobody supports your decisions or can relate/understand.
I am tired of competition, comparison and judgement among women. Why can’t we all support one another in any choices and paths we decide to take? We should support those who bend the rules, take risks, build business, those who are extroverted and put themselves out there. We should ALSO support those that are introverted, caregivers, shy, stay at home moms, volunteers, etc. We all have choices in life, we all have strengths in life. Just because we live different lives or have difference in opinions or see the world OUR way, does not mean we should not support those different than us. This is how we learn, this is how we grow as individuals. You would be surprised at what our world would be if influencing, sharing, teaching, acceptance and encouragement was the top of our minds – rather than jealousy, hate and competition of those people doing things that maybe you wouldn’t or can’t do.
We are all the same, men vs women, Spanish vs Asian, adults vs children. Yes we all have differences in appearance, tastes of music or movies, religions, politics, but we are all the same – we are all human. When I look at somebody I see them as the same as me, this really helps in connecting or relating. I really felt this throughout our travels – you can always find SOMETHING to connect on. Even if it is small.
I know that I am definitely not alone, I am sure there are plenty of you women out there that feel the same way. I encourage you to follow your own path and take risks to be who you are. Unique, extraordinary and follow your heart even it seems impossible sometimes.
Thanks for reading and supporting 🙂
Would love to hear your thoughts below !
Until Next Time,
Melly Fit xoxo